Out Of The Dark
by AllMyLittleChicks
Summary: Set between Thor and Avengers. After giving up hope of ever finding him again, Thor discovers Loki on Jotunheim long after falling from the Bifrost. He didn't arrive there by himself though. He was given a choice... at a price, a secret Loki regrets.
1. Chapter 1

Out Of The Dark

Chapter One

'You probably thought me selfish, brother. A cheat, a liar, the trickster at his best. In the eyes of Asgard, we fought like ignorant children, but you and I know different. If father hadn't intervened I would have stopped, I promise. But to you my bonds are worth less than nothing.

All I sought from then on was to feel something like I had before. But in those few seconds staring into father's eyes, I saw there was nothing I could do. I was scared... I was frightened. I felt worthless. I wanted to cease to exist in these worlds carved of beauty and power. I wanted a purpose, but I had none. So I let go, allowing my fate to anyone's hands.

Falling through the darkness, he saw the golden glow of Asgard and the florescent lights of the broken bridge growing fainter until they were as small as distant stars. In that moment, I saw how small everything was and all I could think of was how much I regretted my mistakes. The mutiny against our father, my betrayal of my own brother and the war I evoked with my own race. All I wanted was forgiveness; all I needed was a second chance.

After watching hundreds of worlds go by, my loneliness grew. I so wanted to be home. It's where I belong, I knew that then, and I knew I would do anything to get back. I started thinking what I would sacrifice to be given a second chance. Anything. Anything so I could come home and we could jest once again. My wage didn't change when I met _him. _I'm not ready to admit what I sacrificed but just know that I am selfish, but not in the way you think. I did it out of kindness and love for home and that is what I do now.

You know what he did for me? I met myself, the version I could have become if I had stayed. I liked it. He was calm and happy and smiling while our shadows stood either side of Odin, equal in everyone's eyes. The short glimpse only made my yearning deeper. I no longer _wanted_ to go back, I _needed_ to come home. So like a fool I agreed. He could have asked for my youth, my power but instead I thought he was lenient in his plan. I was mistaken, the trickster was tricked. He sent me here, Jotunheim. I am sorry, brother, but I needed to be with you again so badly that I have put my own desires ahead of everyone else's. In this way, I regrettably am the selfish cheat you remember.'

These would be the words Loki would say if he ever saw Thor again, but as the dark and cold days and nights ran together as one, it seemed less and less likely that anyone was looking for him.

"He's not coming for you. He will never come for you."

Thor peered into his goblet, a grim reflection starring back at him from the surface of his mead. Him, Sif and the Warriors three sat along the elegant, golden table in the dining hall. Hanging above the table were large candles mounted on the carved figure of a boat; a sign of mourning.

"Peace and order... at what cost?" Thor downed his drink, droplets of red falling from his mouth. He roughly wiped them away, placing the goblet down, watching as it toppled over and clanged on the floor. He buried his head in his hands, hunching over the table and rocked slightly.

"Thor. We are sorry... for your loss." Sif dropped her gaze as she failed to lighten the dull mood falling between them.

Volstagg got up and stood behind Thor, head still bowed, the spirit in his voice high.

"You must look to the future. You are set to be king. A good one at that." He playfully punched Thor's arm, but his cheery smile faded as Thor just moved away from his touch. After a moments silence he spoke.

"He was also brought up to be a king... my brother."

Volstagg remained standing as Fandral joined him, twisting the points of his mustache before leaning on the table next to Thor.

"What you must look at now, is the history you two had. The great moments we all experienced. The tricks he played... on _all_ of us." They smiled; even Thor raised his head and thought back on his childhood.

Fandral stood back, flamboyantly as ever; Sif and a quiet Hogun joining the crowd around Thor.

"I say we honor him, in the way we promised to show our bond."

Sif sat next to Thor, pushing aside the plates still overflowing with food.

"You once said, that even though we are different, we are still united, because we promised we could always count on one another. I know of no other who could swear such a bond and carry it on their conscious and soul for this long. Why stop at death? It is only another plain of existence. He still lives, yet we sit here in this mess and claim we still love him?"

Hogun spoke for the first time; his voice low and dry as usual.

"She is right. If we do not honor _his_ memory, we only dishonor each other."

All of them fell silent; Thor and Sif at the table while Volstagg and Fandral exchanged glances. Fandral clapped, the sound echoing off the walls, drawing their gazes to him.

"_That's _settled then. I for one am not owing Sif or Hogun, you or even Volstagg anything in Valhalla."

Sif smirked and crossed his arms while Fandral nodded and gestured wildly with his hands.

"Alright, Hel. But I do not regret that."

Sif rolled her eyes as the others burst out laughing. Thor stood up and felt a knife shaped dent in the wood of the table with his fingers.

"I am known as the thunder god, the first born, the golden prince soon to be king." He turned round to face his friends. "But I will never be remembered for the one who broke a brothers bond." He reached for another full goblet of mead and drained it dry. He threw it on a nearby fire before saying, "Meet me at the Bifrost in one hour. Wear winter dress. We're going to Jotunheim."

He left, leaving the others alone in the hall. Fandral coughed, leaned in towards Sif and spoke in a hushed tone. "You don't think…"

Volstagg drummed his hands on his full stomach while Hogun watched the heavy door close behind Thor. "He has no reason to. Quite the opposite in fact..."

Sif looked up at the ship, its many candles the primary source of light that gave the room a pleasant, warm glow. "No. He has grown wiser. I think it has a deeper meaning for him now."

Thor stood away from the door. Having heard every word, he didn't know if he felt relieved, or more anxious to tell them of his secret.

"Do not inform Odin of our ventures. Do not try to find us and _do not _betray my trust. Promise me these." Thor mouthed his words as he heard Sif and the others approaching the Bifrost. Heimdall held his sword steady with both hands and watched them enter before looking down at Thor from his platform, his voice low and deep.

"I will not betray the trust of my friend, nor that of my king. I cannot promise if you conflict with your father's wishes." He saw Thor expression harden, then as his eyes looked longingly at the portal.

"I will only watch over you." He noticed Thor's child like look of wonder return and smiled. "I will not insinuate anything to the All Father of your business there. This I can promise."

Thor nodded and felt a hand on his shoulder. Heimdall turned and readied his sword as Thor jerked his head to see a beaming Fandral.

"Come along Thor. Wouldn't want to wait any longer. At this rate, the mountains of Jotunheim could have melted."

Sif chuckled as she pulled her fur hood over her head. "You're one to talk. By the time you have finished clearing your room of last nights company and changed your attire to fit your ever changing moods, Jotunheim would have disappeared all together and Hel would have frozen over!"

Thor bellowed with laughter, joining the others as they stood in the bright light of the portal.

Each of them carried a small leather bag of supplies with them; not knowing whether or not they would be staying the night, they had all brought the general necessities, along with their weapons.

While staring through the portal, Thor felt sadly nostalgic. Last time he had stood here with his friends, Loki had been behind him, willing to stand beside him in battle. Even though Thor didn't turn round, his back felt cold as if he could sense his brother's absence. He closed his eyes, feeling them well with tears before a sharp, crisp wind brought him round and out of his daze. He felt his boots sink slightly into the ground and heard the pleasant crunch of snow as all four of them stretched and hoisted their bags before looking up at the tall towers of ice surrounding them. Without a word, they walked away from the tall structures and made their way towards the woods in the distance.

The entire land was covered in a thick layer of fresh white snow. The few trees that didn't appear to be burnt or dead, blanketed with snow, ice snaking up their trunks following the grooves in the wood.

Their pace began to slow, their feet trudging through the thick drifts and their trousers sodden, their legs beginning to feel numb with cold.

Volstagg stopped and looked over his shoulder at their trek through the snow, their footprints being blown away by the harsh wind.

"I think we should make camp or head home. The cold is getting worse, must be their night now." He turned and watched all of them stop in their tracks, exhaustion present on everyones face. Fandral looked up at the dark sky and rubbed his gloved hands together.

"Blasted land. Can tell the difference of day and night only by how blue we all turn."

Thor tried to hide his grimace as he shielded his eyes from the icy wind and spotted a dozen or so trees nearby shielding a small clearing over a hill.

"We'll set up camp there." At hearing the others groan at their expectations of spending a night in this frozen waste land he argued, "If we head back now, we'll either freeze to death or be killed by a passing giant. Out here, it's derelict of everything but us and the snow."

He started walking briskly towards the trees, holding his head high. "Come along, those trees will provide shelter so we can sustain a steady fire."

The others silently agreed and reluctantly began to long hard climb to the swarm of dense trees.

The trees provided pitiful shelter from the harsh conditions but they all agreed that the tall branches would help disperse the smoke from the fire better and keep them hidden.

"Can we not at least seek out some game?" Fandral fidgeted with his blades while the others sat quietly round the fire, their bedding circling it for warmth.

Sif sat forwards slightly, clutching a warm flask and said bluntly, "Not unless you want to start a war." Fandral gave her a confused look and she huffed, continuing. "They aren't exactly happy folk since their king was killed." She hazarded a glance over at Thor but swiftly carried on when she noted he just stared blankly at the flames. "They might see you slaying a passing beast as thievery. They'll seek your hide and the rest of Asgard's if we're not careful."

Volstagg laughed as he picked up a piece of well cooked meat away from the flames, sitting back down, looking over his food before he bit into it.

Thor was the only one who remained silent while the others jested round the fire. Even Hogun joined in while listening to Fandral's outrageous tales of battle before the four of them darted around the camp site, clearing away the rubbish and kicking snow on the fire, plunging them into darkness.

They slept round the fire pit in a circle, resting their heads on their bags and all tightly gripping their thick fur coats for warmth. They kept their weapons close at hand; Sif with her sword and Fandral with his, Volstagg with his ax, Hogun with his range of sharp metal implements and Thor with Mjolnir.

He was the only one who was awake. He was perfectly warm under his coat but his mind was running wild as he closed his eyes, picturing Loki fall from the Bifrost. As he kept imagining the scene over and over again, he thought he heard Loki scream in fear while they were both catapulted by the explosion. And again when he let go of the staff, he could have sworn he had mouthed 'never doubt', before turning away from Thor and falling through the crack in space, following the burning debris of the Bifrost. He curled up tighter, feeling somehow colder and more empty than before and drifted off.

_He dreamt. _

_He opened his eyes, lying on his back he looked up at the dark blue sky of early morning. Staring at the still bright stars, he pulled his coat closer, breathing deeply, feeling the cold air against his face._

_He sat up, glancing round at the others as they slept peacefully. He hunched forwards, burying his face in the warmth of his hood. He felt the fur tickling his face, catching in his beard, hearing the wind whistle past him as it blew his hair._

_The peaceful sound was broken by heavy, laboured footsteps in the snow. He kept his head down, not knowing if they had been seen, but when the sound died, he lifted his head in the direction. He squinted through the trees, thin branches snaking from thick tree roots, casting shadow patterns on the white snow. _

_His eyes focused on a strange and familiar shape standing amongst the taller trees. He threw his coat off, held it over his arm and started walking towards the slender frame. As he got closer, he saw the figure move slightly, as if it were a timid animal shying away. He slowly edged his way closer, ignoring his stinging skin as the temperature dropped and snowflakes began to fall. _

_The figure turned slightly and Thor watched as the light lit up his face. His black hair longer and flowing over his shoulders, also blowing in the wind. His face looked gaunt and paler than he remembered, his eyes and nose tinted pink from the cold. His eyes so impossibly bright. Thor's gaze followed his pale skin from his face, down to his neck and shoulders. He was shivering; covered only by a dark grey, somewhat tattered blanket. _

_Thor held out his coat to him and waited as he studied it, a scared look suddenly overwhelmed him and he ran almost tripping over his own bare feet. Thor froze for a second before softly saying, "Loki... no." _

_The image shattered like glass around him, everything slowly turned black around him._

He stirred, sitting up and flailing his arms, letting go of his coat and awakening the others. They instinctively grabbed their weapons and sat up in defensive positions while Thor steadied himself and looked between the two trees off in the distance. Once again he saw the pale half naked outline of him. He pointed, arms out stretched, speechless as Sif followed his line of sight and spotted the figure too. She ran at him full pelt, hoisting her sword high, screaming in rage.

The shadow disappeared as he attempted to run away from the charging woman. Thor had only just stood up when he heard a thumping sound and panicked wailing just out of view. He, Hogun, Volstagg and Fandral all hurried after Sif as the strangled cries continued.

Thor looked on from a distance as he saw the warriors three standing over Sif and the figure while she pinned him down and held a smaller blade at his throat, her sword standing up, buried in the snow. As he walked alongside, he could see how little effort she was using to keep the man from bolting, even so, his efforts to break lose appeared to be straining him due to his quickened breath. It's not until he gets close that he sees the man's face properly, early morning light creeping through the thinly scattered trees. He's blue, Jotun blue, but he seems only slightly taller than Sif. His black hair, tangled and dull, matched the bleakness of his face and eyes.

Those blood red eyes now focused on Thor as he peered over Sif's shoulder. Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg all stood back silently as Sif relaxed, feeling the Jotun cease his mild thrashing. She now focused on him. His face was almost untouched but his bare arms and legs bore several healed scars and opened wounds. She saw his rough calloused hands, the raised light blue patterns on them, deep mauve grazes on his knuckles having recently bled leading to cracked and bitten fingernails.

She slipped her blade into her boot and sat up, still straddling his thighs so he couldn't escape, but he didn't seem interested in running away. He was too entranced by Thor. The warriors three lowered their weapons and watched as Thor knelt down in the snow next to him.

Fandral leaned forwards and spat, "What are we doing? He could freeze you solid in one touch!"

Sif glanced at Thor before looking closer at the Jotun. She sounded bewildered and confused as she said, "He hasn't hurt me, he seems... different."

Volstagg scoffed. "Well he knows he's surrounded. Look at him! He's even smaller than Thor. What kind of frost giant is he?"

Hogan stayed quite as Sif looked at the three of them. "But, does he not remind you of... of..."

"Loki?" Thor's deep voice cut her off and the warriors three craned their heads in more, all the while, the man kept his blank stare fixed on him. Thor waved his hand and Sif moved back and stood with the others, leaving the man almost paralysed in the snow, the look on his face between sad and elated, tears forming in his eyes as his lips curled before trembling. He mumbled something before sitting up on bent legs and wrapped his gangly arms around Thor. He gingerly placed his hands on his back. As he did, he felt a warm patch below his shoulder blades, and then looking down at the dent where he had fallen on the ground, he saw the snow had been stained with blood. He sensed Loki tense as he moved his hands away but felt his arms pull him in tighter. He felt his heaving chest against his own, feeling his protruding rib cage under his thin clothing and his cold skin against his own. His breathing was fast and loud as he began to sob into Thor's shoulder, nuzzling his face into Thor's hair.

Thor gave up trying to let him go and hugged him tighter, scrunching his eyes shut, holding back tears as he begged, "Loki... brother, what happened?"

He felt Loki shudder and collapse wholly in his grip before he heard him whisper back, "Red... lips."

Thor stopped sobbing, looking straight ahead at the frozen land, his hands instinctively gripping tighter around his brother. He clenched his teeth as he felt the other's looking on confused. "Home, now!"


	2. Chapter 2 - White Noise

Chapter Two

White Noise

Thor panted, his heart beating rapidly in his chest as he held Loki in his arms. He felt him collapse into him as he fainted, sighing before he lost consciousness. Kneeling in the snow, time seemed to slow as he stared mindlessly at the cold wasteland, the towers of ice in the distance.

Details and memories screamed at him through the silence as he held his limp brother in the snow. Loki was back, but like this? He had known about Loki's heritage, he was the only person Odin had told, but his father had also said Loki had died, that Heimdall had seen his death as he peered into the other realms. Without the Bifrost, Thor knew he couldn't have saved him, gave up trying but never hoping that the vision wasn't true. Now he knew it wasn't, his head spun with the fact that both Odin and Heimdall had lied to him, bare faced lie about his brother, blood or not.

He remembered how he felt when he watched Loki fall, how he continued to feel as Asgard mourned a traitorous prince. Watching Loki fall felt like his heart had been torn from him, just like Loki had been stolen from his life, their childhood somehow more precious to him. Thor rose to fame as the savior of Asgard and Jotunheim while Loki's name brought a sour taste to everyone's tongue, except Thor's. Being his brother, he knew Loki's intentions had been for his good as well as everyone else's. But Loki always seemed so blind to the kinder ways, and Thor now knew that Loki thought everyone else was blind to his attempts to leave his own mark on the world. While he looked back on some of Loki's outlandish ventures, he saw things from Loki's perspective. Loki in the shadows was nothing compared to the vicious and cunning brother he saw fall from the Bifrost.

Thor had always hoped he could have asked Loki why. Why he had suddenly gone against his family. His heritage explained his rage but Thor still didn't understand why he decided to risk oblivion instead of admitting defeat. Now he knew, Loki's actions were part of his mark on the world, his immortal, painful truth he wanted everyone to know. They were his 'red lips'. It then occurred to him that Loki could have easily tricked Heimdall into seeing his death, but as Loki lay helpless in his arms, he felt confused as to why he would return. Perhaps someone else had created the false image and thrown Loki back out into space between the realms.

He heard the others lean forwards, confused and stunned by his silence, sensing their impatience while he cradled his brother in silence.

"Home, now!"

* * *

Early morning on Jotunheim was like dusk on Asgard. The sun was out of sight but the light reflected off the ice, catching icicles and the smoothness of the towers shining onto the fresh white snow expanding in front of them.

Thor carried Loki, one arm wrapped under his legs with the other held him closer. He had draped his coat over Loki and it covered him well apart from his feet. As he trudged through the thick snow, he tumbled every so often, catching a glance at Loki's deathly pale and blank face. It spurred him on to keep going, knee deep in the thick snowdrifts.

Thor was in front, Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg in the middle while Sif brought up the rear. The four of them weapons held high, ready to defend Thor and Loki. Thor was too caught up making sure he didn't crush Loki that he failed to notice the deep laughter behind a great wall of ice. Sif coughed lightly and they all froze, standing tall and colourful against their white backdrop.

Loki came to slightly and moaned into Thor's chest, his clothes muffling his distress. They all crouched down, ducking behind great boulders of ice barely large enough to shield them from view. Thor knelt while he splayed Loki over his lap, his leg dangling over while Thor hugged his torso, trying to keep him warm. Despite being a frost giant, Loki looked worse for ware in the cold and nuzzled further into Thor's warmth as they all listened out for the Jotuns behind the wall of ice.

After sitting still for almost a minute, Hogun and Sif had overheard some of their words between laughs and other vile noises. Sif crouched down and made her way slowly towards Thor. Placing her hand on his shoulder she whispered into his ear. "There are three of them. From their words I don't think they have noticed us, but it is likely they are armed."

Thor frowned and craned his head towards Sif to reply when Loki suddenly yelped, short but shrill, his eyelids fluttering, legs kicking in the snow. Thor quickly placed his hand over his mouth, all five of them feeling their hearts beat faster as the banter behind the ice stopped. Thor and the others breathed slow and deep, listening for the slightly movement. Heavy steps sounded round the corner and Sif and the warriors clenched their fists before edging their hands for their knives and swords. Thor, still with one hand over Loki's mouth had the other around Mjolnir's handle, the slipknot tied into his belt. As he used one hand to untie Mjolnir, he had to take it from underneath Loki, gently easing him flat over his lap as to not cause him to call out again. He twizzled the handle in his grip and held it aloft. Loki, with his head tilted back finally opened his eyes only to see Mjolnir so close to his face. His eyes grew wider as he convulsed, panicking, trying to pry himself from Thor's now weak hold.

The sound of crushing snow increased as screams of rage sounded, sending the blood pumping through all of them. Thor clapped his hand back over Loki's mouth and held him still while he nodded to the others. He saw their coats billowing in the wind as they flew towards the giants leaving Thor and Loki unprotected. Thor rocked Loki, trying to calm him down, his screams piercing through the cold air. He scrunched his eyes shut, hand still clasped to Loki's face, Mjolnir buried, forgotten in the snow.

The chaos ended with a fierce roar and a moan that slowly drained out until it died. Thor stayed motionless until his friends returned, their weapons bloody and their garments ripped. Hogun and Fandral walked out first, both checking their weapons and how they had faired. Sif followed close behind and immediately dropped her sword in the snow, reaching for something to wipe her bloody hands with. Volstagg took his time, grunting while holding a rope wrapped around his wrists, at the end was a snarling wild beast, dark grey and scaly, trying to resist as Volstagg tugged it towards the others.

"Thor!" Sif shouting shocked Thor and he turned to look at her, still supporting Loki in his arms. They'd all gone silent, even Volstagg as the beast gave up and slumped by his feet. He frowned at their stunned expressions and suddenly felt a shiver go down his spine. Loki... had stopped moving. He spun back round to him as he saw his head flung back and his mouth wide open, his eyes closed, his whole body still.

"NO!" He yelled, moaning and muttering to himself as he shook Loki, his head hanging off Thor's lap and flopping lifelessly to face the others. They all stood still, distant from Thor. He felt their silence and it crushed him. It was like they were mourning him already.

"He's not dead. He's not!" He stammered, the desperation clear in his voice.

Sif bowed her head and knelt down, placing her arms gently round Thor and slowly pulling him away from Loki. He jumped slightly when she touched him and only held tighter to Loki. "...can't leave him!"

"Thor, Thor. He's gone. Thor, let go. He had a wonderful life."

Thor tilted his head, rage and tears in his eyes. He opened his mouth, presumably to argue but his emotions took over and he just cried, laying his head on his brother's chest, rocking gently backwards and forwards. His turned his head to the side and spoke slower and calmer, but still shaking. "I can't lose him again. We've been through so much. We've come this far, he can't die now." He stayed still, his tears rolling down his cheeks and leaving a damp mark on his coat still wrapped round Loki. The tears became solid as they became ice, freezing to his face. His face went blank. "It's my fault," he mumbled.

He sat up, looking at Loki's helpless face, placing a shaking hand over his neck. "I... I suffocated him. He was yelling... screaming. They heard, they would have killed us." He sat up quickly, concern spreading on his face.

Sif patted his shoulder and continued to try and pull him away. "We defeated them, we're safe. It wasn't your fault. We're safe, Thor."

Thor grimaced, finally letting go of Loki and setting him down in the snow, pulling his coat further over him, only his face showing. "Loki isn't safe." He cleared his throat. "We can't just leave him here." He looked to the others, almost cowering beside Sif. They were silent until Hogun's gruff voice sounded.

"We'll take him home." Thor was able to hold back any more tears as he continued. He looked down at Loki, still kneeling beside him. His blue skin camouflaged perfectly against the snow, only his black hair seemed out of place. Hogun continued.

"We'll place him on Volstagg's beast. I don't think any of us are up for carrying him the rest of the way." Hogun turned to Volstagg who had the beast tethered calmly at his feet. "He seems harmless by nature."

Thor swallowed, giving the animal a glance before given in and finally admitting to himself that he'd have to trust the wild creature. He nodded and Hogun walked over to Thor, standing over Loki's legs as Thor knelt behind his head and took Loki under his arms. The coat slipped off, revealing Loki's uncovered arms and legs, a dirty, long thin under shirt loosely clinging to the rest of him. Together they carried him over to the animal, now standing tall. Not an impressive height compared to the giants. It seemed almost horse like, save the blue and grey mottled skin, the large powerful legs armed with vicious claws, finished off with razor sharp fangs hanging over it's bottom lip.

Thor handed Loki over to Hogun as he felt his arms shaking, not from his weight, just shaking at seeing his brother's head dangle so lifelessly in front of him. Hogun somehow managed to sit Loki atop the creature, his legs straddling the sides, arms and head drooping downwards. Hogun placed his hand over his chest and gently eased him down, resting Loki's head against the creature's neck. Thor trudged through the snow and placed the coat back around his shoulders. He ignored the blatant confused look he got from Hogun. He was dead, what was the point of keeping him warm now? But with Thor, it wasn't about being practical, it was about dignity and the fact that he would take care of his fallen brother any way he could.

He stroked and smoothed out the creases, again allowing it to seem like he was only sleeping. Thor stood back and couldn't help but stare at his bare feet, a paler blue than that of his leg, the nails chipped and cracked like his fingernails. Thor's lips trembled slightly, his body almost oblivious to the cold. Almost. He shivered, pulling his collar up on his jacket and patted Loki on his back, gently enough as to not move him, but firm enough that he felt the outline of his shoulder blades even underneath his coat. He kept his hand there for a second, bowing his head, feeling his face grow sore from the cold, frozen tears collecting in his eyes and on his cheeks. He brushed them away with his free hand and again patted Loki's back before sighing quietly and walking alongside the animal as Volstagg ushered the animal forwards, tugging on the rope tied around it's neck. It didn't argue as it followed the pace by him, obediently carrying Loki on it's back.

They all pulled their coats further around themselves as they kept walking, the wind and the snow getting heavier and colder as they continued. It was hard to tell where they were now, the landmarks that were visible an hour ago were now impossible to see through the snow as it fell thick and fast. They just kept walking and hoped they would find the Bifrost site soon, the cold was getting unbearable.

Hogun and Fandral walked alongside Volstagg while Sif walked with Thor, not talking to him, just glancing at him as he bit his lip, not once looking away from Loki. A large gust of wind got underneath Loki's coat and blew it off him. It flew over Volstagg's head as he ducked, watching Thor run frantically ahead and reclaim it. He stumbled back towards Loki, dusting off the snow now stuck to the coat. He hauled it around Loki's shoulders and for a second, thought he saw him move, twitch slightly, maybe shiver? The others had stopped and were now looking at him with the same look of confusion on their faces as before. He looked at them then stepped forwards nervously, reaching his hand out for his shoulder. Loki suddenly breathed in deeply, gasping for breath and causing Thor to jump back in shock. He stood stock-still and watched as Loki shook, steadied his breathing and sat up, looking around at Sif and the warriors three. His head bobbed slightly, feeling unusually heavy until his vision went black again and he slumped back against the neck of the animal.

Thor blinked, mouth gaping wide as he focused on his brother's back, the slow rise and fall of his chest mesmerising, a rush of both hope and sadness flooding through his veins. Without a word to the others, he jumped on the beast's back behind Loki and draped the coat over him, tucking it underneath him as he spoke hurriedly to Sif.

"I don't want you to argue with me, I'm going to push this animal till it takes us to the Bifrost site. We thought Loki had gone and time was everything for us, but he's still alive and I'm sure we're close. I..."

"It's alright, we understand. Go." Sif nodded as did the others, blank faces with a glint of happiness in their eyes all willing him on. Thor took off, taking the rope from Volstagg and using it as a leash. He lent forwards to hold Loki as still as possible as the creature tackled the rough terrain with brute force and speed. He hoped his warmth would keep Loki alive, but he still worried as he heard him mumbling nonsense. At least he was breathing now.

* * *

Once he reached the Bifrost site, he lifted Loki quickly off the creature, careful not to drop him as he fell almost entirely into his hold, legs barely keeping him upright. The last thing Thor could remember of Jotunheim was the beast wailing and screaming in terror as it ran off into the distance. Bright light consumed them and Loki gripped Thor's collar and said, "Have we made it? Are we home?"

* * *

**I wrote this in little segments so it might not flow greatly but I couldn't leave you waiting any longer. To those still itching to know what 'red lips' refers to, that will be hinted in the next chapter. Soon, my pretties, soon. Reviews help tremendously, they actually help me see what you like best, then I can include it in the next chapter. :)**


	3. Chapter 3 - Corrosive Connection

Chapter Three

Corrosive Connection

"How can you call yourself a good father? How can you call yourself _his_ father when you even now doubt his actions? No, wait. He isn't even moving; he's battered and unconscious. He isn't making any actions of his own, and from the looks of him, he hasn't in a long time. Although you wouldn't know, would you? You haven't even given Loki five minutes of your precious time to visit him. He's your son, Odin."

"He is a traitor and a thief!"

"Of what?"

"Of my love! The love and trust I gave him is irreplaceable."

Frigga paused, in awe in the sight of Odin visibly emotionally wrecked.

"How can you... be so sure that he doesn't return that love?"

Odin walked further onto the balcony as Frigga stood facing him next to a golden pillar. He looked out over Asgard away from her as he spoke slowly and gruffly.

"There was so sound."

"What?" Frigga looked at his back, confused.

"He didn't scream," he said slowly. "He didn't laugh. He just fell and turned as Thor cried out. Nothing." Odin turned round to face Frigga. "Wouldn't you have screamed? Done something?"

"That's why you don't trust him," she realised. "You believe this is somehow a plan of his." Her voice grew gradually louder, boarding on hostile as Odin shook his head and walked over to her.

"Don't you see? He falls, mounting guilt on us. He returns 'miraculously' from the dead and asks for forgiveness. He takes us for naive parents." His voice trembled slightly. "He thinks now that he's baring a few bruises that he has truly changed, that he sees his pasts mistakes and so wishes for us to see beyond them. Are you going to fall for that?"

Frigga frowned at him, straightened her dress and snarled at him before she left. "I can't believe I trusted that you ever loved him as much as Thor."

* * *

Loki was laid out on a large stone rock in the centre of a dimly lit room, candles on the wall barely supplying enough light to see the golden brick walls. Thor sat at one end of the room in the shadows, watching Loki breath in and out slowly. He didn't understand Asgardian magic, he knew even less about healing enchantments and cantations. He only knew what he had been told. Loki would wake up, but no one could tell him when. Only 'soon'. That was what he was told everytime someone walked passed the room.

Frigga had come to visit shortly after they arrived. They had entered the palace quietly, early at dawn in Asgard while everyone was asleep; better than to draw the whole city to their doors.

He walked up to Loki as he began to stir slightly, moaning as he gradually lifted his head. Even in the dim light, Thor could see the dirt and filth stuck to Loki's arms and legs, his skin blue and his eyes red as ever peeping out under his eyelids.

"Loki?"

He froze and stared at Thor for a moment. His vision was blurry but the outline of Thor was hard to mistake. He shivered slightly before he laid his head on the rock and felt his body relax, rolling his shoulders while he came to properly, his mind still hazy. He spoke, slowly and not always clearly while Thor stood over him.

"He told you then." It wasn't a question.

"Yes." Thor's lips trembled slightly but his voice didn't waver. "He said this is why you let go." He paused, watching Loki appear to be unmoved. "Is it?"

Loki tilted his head to the side, away from Thor, his face showered in the flickering yellow light. "Maybe... My previous actions I did because I thought father had chosen you to become king purely because you were his first-born. When that changed, I began to think of all the times he seemed to favour you over me. Everything began to make more sense."

"You haven't forgotten that he is still your father then." Thor smiled inside but didn't let his voice show his relief.

"If it was my choice, I'd have no family at all. Nothing to lose, no one to impress... nothing to tie me down and bring me home."

Thor slowly walked round the table so Loki could see him out of the corner of his eye.

"Is that how you see us? A burden to be lifted from your shoulders?"

Loki sighed, bowed his head and sat up, cringing slightly as he stretched.

"Not a burden, no. But at the moment, having people who I care about are an inconvenience, especially because I am in this state." He lifted up his arms and showed Thor in greater detail the damage and scuffs and scars he had.

"Why were you on Jotunheim?" This time Thor's voice wasn't as strong.

"To protect you." Loki lowered his arms.

"From what?" Thor was slightly annoyed that Loki hadn't answered his question.

"Mostly from yourselves!" Loki snapped and turned his head sharply to face Thor. He rubbed the back of his neck as he continued, averting his gaze from Thor's eyes.

"But also from something else." Loki's expression changed and Thor noticed his eyes seemed heavy, possibly with guilt or more than likely because they were full of what he had been through.

Thor knelt down and looked up at him causing Loki to take a deep breath in and curl in on himself slightly. Thor didn't rush him, just waited for him to carry on.

"I..." He gasped, on the verge of tears. "I am not a prince. I am not a saint and I'm certainly not anyone's friend." He looked straight at Thor. "But I am your brother. I can't deny that, even to myself. I'm not such a good liar anymore." He trailed off, physically shaking at this point.

Thor tilted his head to the side, feeling this was far worse than a simple case of a family keeping secrets. It meant much more to Loki.

"I can't help it. You look at yourself and see a family that has loved each other through all the dark times and that believes it will never stop no matter what... But when I see you, I see a family that would be ruined by someone whose mind doesn't see a happy family. I see a family broken round the edges, cracks appearing between them, a chasm that will soon be too big to fill. I can't help it! That's just what I see, and I don't think I can ever see otherwise. But I loved you all and I stupidly still do." Loki closed his eyes and wept slightly, his head beginning to ache and spin from all the images of his childhood rushing through his head.

"We went to Jotunheim... we were corned by the giants. Odin saved us..."

Thor moved forwards, happy to see he still remembered. "Yes."

"Was that the last time we stood shoulder to shoulder in battle?" Thor's smile was premature and dropped. "Was that the last time I called you brother?"

"Yes," Thor mouthed.

Loki laughed slightly, amused at his own thoughts. Blinking away the tears he whispered, "Even then I was plotting against you."

Thor edged forwards trying to think of something to calm him down. "You never hurt me, only made us see that I wasn't ready to be king."

"It was never my intention to kill you, I don't think I couldn't ever willingly want to. I just don't want to see you die." Loki swiveled his legs over the side and rolled his toes. "I remember when I killed Laufey, I felt pride in doing it. I don't know if that's wrong, I suppose it is. He _was _going to kill Odin but _I_ had lead him into the chamber." Loki leaned towards Thor and begged him with his eyes wide. "You've got to believe me when I say I felt like I belonged."

Thor held up his hand and smiled. "I believe you." The relief on Loki's face only made him happier. "I overheard you in father's thrown room before I arrived. You killed Laufey as a son of our father. He couldn't have heard you, he wasn't awake, mother wasn't there, she couldn't either. You said it to yourself because you know you loved us even then. You can love us now, as family, if you try, brother."

Loki fell silent, his face strained while he knew he kept a secret close. "I only returned because I still love you all. I can't bare to see you... like that."

Thor frowned. "Like what?"

Loki panicked slightly and rubbed his sore eyes. With his hands covering his face, he said, "Do you remember that day... the day I let go?"

"Yes."

Loki raised his voice. "Do you _remember_ the moment I let go?"

Thor gulped. "Yes."

"Do you want to know what was going through my mind when I did? Do you really want to know?"

Stupid question, of course he wanted to know.

"In that moment I realised everything we were, everything we had become. If I had stayed I would have sabotaged you, I would have been your poison apple. Eventually I would turn you all sour and against each other. It wasn't until I was hanging off the edge of your love that I noticed it. I also saw how you each failed to value each other, so I let go."

Thor looked into Loki's eyes, he himself feeling lost and confused.

"That act, my last act... was my own 'red lips'." His voice grew softer, just above a whisper telling a child's secret.

Thor felt his knees complain of the hard surface beneath them but he couldn't bring himself to stand. He sobbed through his words. "That's terrifying... and also quite beautiful."

"I thought you'd realise. I was never one to risk my own life but in that moment, all I cared about was you. I think deep down I was too selfish to admit I was wrong. I thought I was saving you one last time."

They paused, either waiting for the other to speak or to come up with a way of lightening the mood. Thor slowly smiled while Loki looked away. Even though he had imagined meeting Loki again, he never pictured him so shattered. He had been through so much, but he was obviously avoiding discussing his time while supposedly dead. He heard Loki sniffle as his sobs died down.

"It seems the ultimate act was not enough to protect you from my demons."

Thor frowned, trying to make sense of Loki's words. His tongue always had a way with them that made his speeches both poetic and somewhat difficult to decipher.

"Your... demons?"

Loki shied away but Thor was tired of his games, even if they were less wicked than before. He shook him and saw his younger brother with fear and trepidation in his eyes. He claimed to love him but clearly his heart had grown cold and apart from the people he once called family.

Loki stuttered but managed to say, "I made a deal, but I was tricked." He smiled and laughed, "The trickster tricked. I suppose I was desperate than I remember."

"What deal? Who with?"

Loki shivered; he could feel his body feeling lighter than normal, his limbs going soft as black smoke appeared around the corner of his vision. "He said," He leaned towards Thor to whisper in his ear, "either you see him dead beneath your body, or _you_ are the one who slits his throat." Thor's mouth gaped before Loki collapsed wholly onto Thor's shoulder.

Thor froze, his arms looped under Loki's as he looked down at his dark matted hair. He was suddenly aware of a tall figure lingering in the shadows. He slowly turned his head, his sterling blue eyes still blown wide with shock, to see Odin standing there, his one good eye focused on the two of them as the golden eye patch gleamed and shone in the dark.

While Thor stared at his father's silhouette, with Loki's skin touching his, the blue faded back to a paler and sicklier version of his past self.

* * *

Red and Silver

Once upon a time, there was a woman. Lonely, shy, insignificant in her own eyes. She loved the quietness of solitude and never longed to be loved, just noticed. She had soft lips, every morning coated in ruby red lipstick, teamed with a silver broach on her grey jacket. It suited her well, it was her mark. But everyone would walk right by her. At night she would wipe her lips with a cloth and soak it, watching the red smudge disappear.

One morning, she pricked her finger on the broach and broke the delicate pin. She dabbed it using the same cloth, but the blood was stubborn and discoloured it. She held it in her hands as she looked at her reflection in the mirror, her lips freshly made up, the same colour as the discoloured cloth. With the broach lying on the bed, she walked out still carrying the blooded cloth.

Weeks past. No one paid much attention to the red marks around the city, no more than they had her. They didn't even notice she no longer came to work.

On one particular day, everyone else was standing outside their office building, nattering to one another, a small red mark left on the glass window. An insignificant mark in front of insignificant people.

Then, she fell. Didn't jump, just let herself lean forwards and fall. Screams erupted from the women as the men dropped their coffees. But not from her, no screams did she make.

The dull, brown liquid mixed with the blood from her hand and mangled her dark brown hair as it lay on the pathment. A man knelt down as he saw something glinting in her hand. She was holding her broach, now half covered in blood, her lips their usual passion painted colour. Adrenaline pumping through him, he couldn't take his eyes off her body, every part of her sharper than he remembered when he'd ever seen her before. He noted her lipstick was slightly smudged and looked up. The small red mark on the glass window was in the shape of a pair of lips, crimson and like fire.

She discovered she could make a mark on everyone, but knew the only way to do it meant sacrifice, whether it be herself or what she believed in, and there was nothing she believed in. Only then do people start to_ truly _notice.

She wasn't insignificant anymore, but she would never know, she couldn't see how everyone saw her now. They saw each other in a different light to, but no one mentioned the change they felt, not when the only thing that made them realise this was a sacrifice worth too much to the right people, the ones who _truly_ cared to notice.

* * *

If you are still confused, let me add a little something. I wrote this while finishing the first chapter. Something random but I decided to go with it. My idea is that Frigga or Odin would have read this to them as a story similar to 'the boy who cried wolf.' Basically it's a story (mostly a children's story) that portrays an adult lesson. So when Loki said 'red lips' to Thor in chapter one, he was comparing himself to the woman in the story.

Reviews do help ever so much. Slowly working through all the ideas and quotes I want to include in this so the next chapter may be another week or so.


	4. Chapter 4 - Brother, Enemy, Friend

Chapter 4

Brother, Enemy, Friend

Loki awoke, slowly coming too as he felt his body being laid down, strong arms carefully placed underneath him. His head rested on the stone table once again and he opened his eyes. The lights were brighter and lit up the faces of both Thor and Odin. He could see them out the corner of his eye but looked to Thor first as he laughed between his words.

"Thor." His voice was husk and they both heard Odin shuffle his feet and tut. Loki ignored him while Thor stared into his eyes, concerned. "Leave us," Loki said. With his tone it sounded more like a question, in his condition he could hardly order him about. Thor looked down and reluctantly left, looking over his shoulder before he let the large, golden door bang shut behind him.

Loki glared at Odin while he moved closer to stand over him. He had learnt that acting as weak as you felt was no guarantee of sympathy from the Allfather.

"Loki." Odin's voice was deep and gruff, every syllable running together in perfect harmony. "You have returned." Loki tried to read his tone but couldn't tell whether it was a question or if he was just stating a fact.

"It was not my original plan." He sounded strong but inside he felt like a child against a giant, ironic that it may be that he was the giant, but Odin was certainly no child.

"And your original plan was to die? To leave us here? What kind of self respecting son leaves his mother and father like that?"

Odin had turned, his previous calm self-shattered by a vicious snarling old man.

"You forgot your other son, father, my brother." Loki knew he was teasing but couldn't help it, a smirk was already showing.

Odin turned his back on Loki as he began to pace around the room, moving more into the shadows. Loki could barely see his silhouette snaking round the room. From the shadows Odin's voice circled around him.

"Ooh, don't play games, Loki. I am not so gullible to the lies you so easily roll of your tongue. This is not the time or the place. You have returned. Why?!" He was between shouting and crying though under the cover of darkness, Loki only heard the threatening tone ready to surface in his voice.

Loki went quiet; his head still spinning and his vision still hazy. He spoke even slower than before, blinking through the pain and the lights that seemed so bright to his sore eyes. "Do you remember the time Thor first lifted Mjolnir?"

Odin frowned and just waited. Loki huffed and craned his head forwards. "How could you forget it?" Loki shook his head when he saw Odin's deadpan expression emerging from the shadows. He managed to sit up and dangle his legs over the side of the table, stopping to catch his breath, bowing his head, taking long deep breaths.

"That day... Thor forgot all the times he had been weak, all the times he had been beaten and set aside, ignored because of his size of mind. He was now seen as a hero. An Aesir now capable of becoming king that could control the skies over the kingdom. All I ever wanted was to be seen as an equal. I thought I would achieve that with your love, but your love never equalled that which you gave Thor."

He squinted at Odin through the darkness, his vision becoming clearer. "I think even though you say you loved me with all your heart, part of it still held a desire to be knee deep in Jotun blood. No matter the treaty or the fact that I am a runt and your adoptive son, you still couldn't bring yourself to think of the day I could sat upon Asgard's thrown. And that terrified you, still does I would think." He lifted his head to face Odin. "I have returned," he paused as Odin sharply turned his head to him, "to tell you that I don't want your thrown, I never truly did. I have come to prepare you however for the destruction that Asgard faces."

Odin's face dropped and he sneered before he said, "You speak of Ragnarok. You are bluffing. You're feigning an enemy when _you_ are the real culprit, the only one foolish enough to attempt it!"

With as much a honest tone as he could manage, Loki replied, "When I lead the Jotun here, when I had Thor's life in my hand and yours in the other, I was not faking that. Those feelings were real."

Odin grinned and pointed at Loki who was unusually calm. "So that means you are faking this sincerity now?"

"Yes."

"Yes!? You admit it? What is this charade, Loki? What could possibly result from more lies?"

"I have learnt... better to be fake and ensure someone's love than to scare them away with your inner ambitions. I admit, I wanted you all dead. I was furious with you. All the years of my life here on Asgard meant nothing to me. I had no home, no friends. But, even though I still am frustrated with the truth, I cannot deny it. You may not be my true family, but I would be honoured to call you my friends. And my home... I hope is wherever my friends are."

"You are still pitiful and sad inside."

"Do you want to know what I felt like? After I incinerated my true father I saw mother wrap her arms around Thor, her face nestled into his shoulder while he gave me a look of hatred, one that both said I had betrayed him and that he detested everything I was. Seeing them, Thor scowling and mother on the brink of tears, while standing by your unmoving body, a burnt aroma filling the air, I had the unsettling concoction of feelings that made me betray everything I once loved. I felt remorse for killing Laufey, despite the fact that I hated him. I was regretful that mother had had to take up arms but thankful that she had survived to wrap her arms around my brother. Problem was he wasn't looking at his brother, he was looking at a monster... The only person I felt still loved me in that room was you. But I knew you would see past our fond memories and only take in my recent actions. It was then that I thought for the first time that I could never be Aesir. Not act like one nor be fully treated like one. I tried to bury the inevitable thought but events happened in a way I didn't want them to. The edge of Asgard, hanging from the Bifrost bridge with you and Thor in attendance to watch. One thing you taught me and Thor when we were young father, Jotuns... are to be kept... as far away as possible. You swore to cast them away from your kingdom to protect your people. I did my part. I don't expect you to accept me home, just understand that I amount to more than a pitiful waste and that my heart has not _always_ been filled with sadness."

Odin let his eye wander round the room before it landed on Loki. He was breathing heavier than usual. The lights flickered and brilliant rays of gold flashed over Odin's armor.

"You appear to have rehearsed that well." He wasn't mocking, just curious.

"The fall was further than I expected. I thought a speech might be useful."

Odin stilled and smiled, a genuine pleasing smile. Loki was confused as he saw the grin grace the old man's face.

"Nothing has changed since you were a child. You needn't have prepared a reason. Just give me your word and tell me you're sorry. You never left our hearts, only our lives. All you had to do to return was ask."

Loki, delightfully confused, glanced up and saw Odin standing proudly before him, any tiredness demolished by joy. Loki watched as Odin sat down next to him and tilted his head towards him. Loki's smile faded slightly as he anticipated Odin's next words.

"All you had to do was ask... and be honest."

Loki stayed silent.

"You spoke of the destruction of Asgard, Ragnarok and regret. I hope you now speak with an honest tongue."

"Course." Unintentionally his tone didn't sound as confident and truthful as he wanted it to.

"Mmm" Odin took a deep breath and nodded. "Carry on."

"While I was there... I had nightmares, except they were more than dreams. I wasn't sleep. It was real and that made it all the more frightening." Loki stared at the floor, fighting back tears as he tried to remember what he had fled from. He out stretched his hand as if to grab something he couldn't quite see.

"I saw death, destruction, sadness; Thor's blood on my hands." He winced. "Then the image flashes between me watching him die as I held him close... and of one where I see the light drain from his eyes as I force the blade further between his ribs." He snarled, regretting every thing he had seen and regretting it even more that it was now coming out of his mouth.

"My hands... made unclean by Thor's blood." He held his hands up, their usual paleness hidden by layers of dirt and streaks of blood. "It doesn't look good." He smiled gingerly, head bowed then looked up at Odin as he sat up straight beside him.

"You believe this will come true? One of these visions is a possible event?"

"I know Asgard is nearing a fate it cannot escape. Its fate is set, just like mine is. If Asgard is to fall, then I am bound to be at the centre of it all. Either as its destroyer, or as a man who failed to keep his promise, weakened by feelings of memories, false or untrue."

"Do you regret me taking you from your home?" Odin asked plainly. Loki's eye looked sternly at his.

"You are asking whether or not I would have never have existed!"

Odin blinked but didn't answer.

"The only thing I regret from those day was the life I was handed. No matter where I stayed, I would always be viewed as a lesser being." Loki looked away, ashamed, almost vulnerable to be revealing things that had secretly haunted his younger self.

Odin smiled before Loki had a chance to see it then said, "Your life is not something you can take nor is it meant to be forced into something only outsiders would like." He pointed at Loki's chest and placed his hand over his heart. "It's given to you, as is your heart and you mould it to something pleasurable. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. As long as you stay honest to your own heart, you can never be seen as a lesser being."

They stayed silent, Loki shocked by Odin's show of love and kind words. He always seemed to be like Thor but with more control. Calm yet firm fisted when he needed to be.

His breathing began to feel heavy but he managed to say, "I never asked for a life I couldn't control. If I cannot convince you that I am sincere, then I don't see how I can be truly happy with myself."

Odin got up and walked to the door, back turned to Loki until he reached it. "You returned, that is enough to show your mother that you still care. You have had numerous opportunities to escape, now that you are... better. And you have not killed me." Odin turned and smiled as he opened the door. "I believe you, my son. Go, bathe, clean yourself, and when you're ready..." He looked sad for just a second before he left, leaving Loki on the table alone in the dim, golden light.

Before Loki left, the room empty and while he was all alone, he whispered, "You didn't take me from my home, Jotunheim is not my home."

* * *

Loki emerged from his chambers' bathroom after letting go and relaxing his tense muscles in the hot, soothing water; its light, clean fragrance lingering on his skin as he clothed himself in a thin shirt which tied up at the top. Its length was long and not very flattering but it was comfortable and loose; restricting clothes were still unbearable and only made him ache more. He tried to put his trousers on but found the task too much on his own. He thought about calling for help but felt helpless enough as it was and instead walked to the doors that opened onto the balcony.

He propped the door open, quickly admiring the fresh flowers than hung from baskets beside the grand doors. He briefly took in their scent and walked over to the balcony, leaning on the brick wall as he took in the view of Asgard he had seen all his life, (that he could remember.) From here he could see the Bifrost Bridge, past the golden gates the observatory stood, the new structure similar to its previous design. He looked down at the gardens and footpaths twisting round them, the light bricks of Asgard's buildings reflecting the afternoon sun, illuminating the ground below. His eyes drew to one particular spot. He stared at it, uncontrollable, unable to look away from that corner and yet he couldn't think why he was so drawn to it. From the balcony he heard someone knocking lightly on his chamber doors and that's when he remembered. He heard the sound of his voice but didn't acknowledge him as his lips curled and his heart sank deep in his chest. He remembered. That corner was where he had held Thor's body as he lay helpless and bloody in his arms, both at his hands and again not, by something else, just out of sight from his memory.

His thoughts were so far gone that he jumped when Thor gingerly placed his hand on Loki's arm; the voice in the distance had been his. Loki caught his breath and managed to forge a smile as he turned to see Thor's face, bright and glowing, all the more now that he could see Loki was smarter and cleaner, also because the suns' light was shining in their direction. The sight should have made Loki happy but he was only reminded of how the light had drained from his eyes while unnatural shots of light blindly reflected off the light brick.

His smile faltered and he lunged at Thor, embracing him and gripping him tightly. Thor gently held him and reassuringly rubbed his back, (something he had done as a child when they were both younger.) Thor had been happy when Loki did this but now he grew concerned as he held him weeping quietly on his shoulder. He moved one hand up and stroked his hair and whispered.

"What's this?" He tried to keep the concern from his voice but inside his stomach was turning.

Loki's words were even more quiet than his tears. "Me giving in." Loki placed his chin on Thor's shoulder and looked at the flowers in the baskets and added, "Like a delicate flower cut in mid bloom, our lives will be cut painfully short."

Thor didn't comment; thought it best not to try and fathom his words. Instead he tried to comfort him.

"Great to see that you've freshened up. I hardly recognised you underneath all of that dirt, brother."

Thor held him loosely but still felt Loki pull back slightly as he said 'brother'. After a second Loki finally tried to pull away but before he could pry himself from Thor's grip, Thor said, "Now listen, you are _everything_ a brother is. You are not my enemy, Loki. You _must_ accept that."

Loki sighed and they naturally untangled their arms but still stood close. Loki placed his hands on Thor's shoulder as he smiled, a genuine smile this time and said, "Not my brother then, not my enemy, but a friend."

* * *

**It's ridiculous how long it has been since I last updated. I can't even begin to apologise. I'm not completely happy with this chapter because it's shorter than I'd like it to be but my schedule is just jam packed. I just hope this is good enough? Oh please let it be. Thank you for the such wonderful reviews! They help so much! :)**


	5. Chapter 5 - Cooling Pressure

Chapter 5

Cooling Pressure

The following day went smoothly or as smoothly as it could of. Loki was still adjusting to being home, being saved and still winced every time a disgruntled look was shot his way. He tried to suppress the urge to just run and hide. He was so scared, so frightened; he thought faint whispers and sparks of light were chasing him. Thankfully the day finished with a quiet and pleasant evening. All day he had been able to fake a smile and keep from trembling in public but to Thor it was clear that his memories still haunted him as he shied away to his room after dinner. He thought best not to follow immediately and instead waited until he was about to turn in himself.

* * *

Loki's hands shakily gripped the sweat soaked sheets, as he shot up in his bed, vaguely aware that he had screamed while emerging from his nightmare. Adrenaline pumped through him, his breathing heavy and his eyes wide, the room seemed oddly dark. The doors to his chambers flung open and Thor strode in, his pale nightshirt loose around him. He ran to his bed and knelt beside him, watching Loki stare at the other end of his room too dark for him to see anything there.

"Loki what is it?" He asked, his voice oddly flat.

Loki breathed deeply and shuddered, droplets of sweat running down his face and pooling round his collarbone. "Nightmare," he murmured. He turned to Thor as he pulled the sticky sheets off himself, kicking it away with his feet. "Just a nightmare. Please go back to bed." He pleaded, his voice shakey, eyes wide, innocent and terrified.

Thor didn't move and instead reached for Loki's hand and held it, keeping it steady. Loki looked at him; he was shocked but didn't try and pull away from his grip. Thor moved closer to him, beckoning him to listen in. Loki did and waited, Thor was unusually silent and the sound of his own heavy breathing loud in the room.

Thor's lips curled into a grin and his eyes squinted as he quickly pulled Loki forwards so he was close to falling off the bed. With his free hand he gripped Loki's damp nightshirt and said, "This is not a nightmare, Loki. This is now!"

Loki whimpered as he squirmed, his legs kicking but only pushing him further off the bed and into Thor's grip. He opened his mouth to scream but didn't; couldn't. Thor's face appeared to be darkening and his eyes became a captivating electric blue.

"This nightmare you had will be nothing compared to the terror in the days to come! And the worst part? You will have known all along, and know you can never stop it!" He sneered as Loki doubled his efforts but still couldn't break free. Thor turned away, speaking softly now, still mockingly but it was so quiet, Loki didn't catch it. "Almost cruel, really."

Loki didn't hear his own shouts and screams, they were just a dull hum in the back of his head as he screwed himself up into a ball in the middle of the bed and pulled his head close to his chest with his arms.

Even with his eyes tight shut, he saw the light in his room change, almost like flashes of lightening close igniting his bed and then nothing; black. He flexed his toes and felt cold, hard rock underneath them. He opened his eyes and lifted his head to a scene he'd only just left. There was no mistaking it. The sight was engraved into his mind, on every thought, every possible hope, this would be the sight that would ruin all his dreams. His nightmare had returned, but this time it was all too real.

* * *

Thanos stood tall and menacingly over him. He felt tiny by comparison, reduced to a shivering wreck among the large rocks on a dark and dusty unknown planet somewhere impossible behind a backdrop of a smattering of colourful stars glistening and illuminating the grey trees that were the only other things that made Loki feel even more insignificant.

"I hope your memory has not suffered as badly as your body." He looked down on Loki as if he was inspecting a rotting piece of flesh. "You understand that what you just witnessed is what they'll truly think of you, what they _already _think of you deep down."

Loki felt the sweat on his flesh grow cold and he wrapped his long arms around himself and turned away. Thanos rolled his eyes before lurching forwards and pulling Loki round and onto his knees. He yelped and then moaned more quietly as Thanos's wild, hungry eyes ran over his face, his warm tears rolling down his cheeks. He was terrified, but he didn't know why. It was strange, but he knew he didn't care.

Thanos tilted his head to the side and harshly smacked both of Loki's cheeks. "There, there, kitten." he slurred his words, like a mother cooing over her child. "Did the prince have a bad dream?" His voice grew harder. "Well good!" he spat. "About time you grew up! Have you thought of my proposal?" He stood back up to his full height and squared his shoulders, holding his hands neatly in front of himself. "So, what's it to be? A reality where everyone you love mistrusts you, followed by invasion and Ragnarok. Or, you help yourself and me, and stop feeling so sorry for yourself?"

Loki willed his hands to stop shaking and tried to stand, soon finding out that his legs were numb. He struggled to his feet, standing close enough that he could feel Thanos's breath on his face. The stench was vile but Loki pressed on. "They'll?" He paused, reveling in Thanos's confused expression. "What_ they'll_ truly think of me?"

Thanos laughed and stared intently at the smirking god. "Yes? What of it?"

"They love me." He pronounced his words clearly now and barked them at Thanos. "The only people I have ever had any respect for love me for who I am. They are all I need." He turned away, but soon stopped. He had nowhere to go. His magic was weak, he couldn't get home.

"Would they love you if they knew that you decided their fate?" He laughed and began to walk around Loki. "That their lives rest in the hands of a murderous coward. A monster known only too well, to do what suits him best. Someone who doesn't even wish to-"

Loki raised his hand and smiled weakly, his eyes screwed shut. "I am not a coward because I do not need to be a hero; I don't need to be either. Someone else will save the day, get the girl, kill the bad guy and someone else will cause enough havoc for them to seem important. I am, for once, myself. This is how I want to live, to be remembered and there is no vision, no lie you can show me to change my mind."

Thanos stood back, either confused or impressed, Loki couldn't tell. He simply smiled as Loki felt himself becoming weightless, the dusty surroundings fading and the image of his room becoming clearer. As the sight of his room over powered that of the baron landscape, he relaxed, now kneeling on his mattress, the sheets crumpled on the floor. He was alone. Thor had never been by his side. He smiled but his relief floundered and his heart sank slightly as he heard a faint whisper floating on the cool breeze through the open window.

"It's up to you. You're right, you are not a coward, but don't fool yourself by thinking you live in a world of heroes. There are none, only war and death. The only thing anyone really cares about, is if they're on the winning side."

Loki shivered and leaned forward until his forehead softly dented the bed. He screamed, a real, high-pitched, fear driven scream into the mattress. He rocked himself through it, gripping his sides. He was sore, and tired and so cold. He pushed his head further into the mattress and glanced towards the door. Thor was standing against it, hands behind his back looking into the silver lit room; at Loki in the centre, folding in on himself, faintly moaning into the sheet. Thor just stood by the door and as time slowly passed, he could hear Loki weeping.

Loki froze in place and breathed in deeply. He felt his eyes swell as he whispered, "would you leave me if I told you- what I have to do?" He sucked in more breath, trying not to break down; this was important. "What I've seen, who I've killed?" He laid down turning away from Thor and instead looked out at Asgard against the black sky. "Who I will kill-" He grinned but only because his head began to hurt. "What I've become and what I don't want to be..." He had tried, he had. The tears ran down his cheeks.

Thor relented and slowly dragged his feet and sat on the bed, his back brushing against Loki's as his bulk weighed down the mattress. Thor clenched his hands into fists; all his anger contained was trying his patience. He didn't know what to do, how to help his brother. Loki rolled over, his face naturally falling into a pained and tortured expression. Tears were now continually cascading down his face and he was sniveling and shaking as his lips trembled. "Whose side am I even on? Who can I say I am loyal to when I know that any action I can take will destroy you?"

Thor didn't reply; just worried silently to himself. Loki wasn't so quiet, continually weeping and moaning in and out of uneasy rest. Thor couldn't sleep; just watched the moon as it made it's decent behind the tall buildings of Asgard outside the window.

* * *

Thor opened his eyes. He was laying face down on a familiar soft pillow. The midday sunlight tore through his room, illuminating the dust as he stretched and turned over. He rubbed his eyes and flexed his toes underneath the thin sheet before he stopped and sat bolt up right, almost falling flat on his face as his feet got tangled in the sheet.

He ran towards Loki's room but found it locked. He rammed it with his shoulder and after two tries the hinges buckled and the door loosely hung from its frame. He pushed past it but stopped, standing in the threshold. Hundreds of large, leather bound books were scattered over the stone floor. Some were closed, others open with pages torn out. Loki was gone, the bed was bare, the sheets tucked in neatly and like the pillows, seemingly untouched. A bottle of jet-black ink was overturned on the large wooden desk, the liquid, already dry, had run down the side and formed a sticky mess on the floor. Thor noticed the long flowing curtains had been torn from their pole and were now jammed under the door to the balcony. The door was slightly ajar.

"Please, no." He forced the balcony door wide open and ran to the edge, hanging over the side hoping not to see Loki laying on the ground. He wasn't. Instead he saw him sitting down on a bench in the garden running along the side of the building bent over with his head in his hands. He covered the many corridors with long strides. He forgot everything between the sight of Loki's room and seeing him alone in the shade of early afternoon. He slowed and walked towards him, waiting for him to look up, but he didn't. He must have heard him. Something didn't feel right. He ignored the nagging thought in his mind and instead sat a few feet away from him. He still hadn't moved, only his chest moved as he breathed. Strangely he wasn't crying or weeping so Thor guessed his tantrum was from a while ago.

"Loki?" Thor rested his hands on his knees and fidgeted slightly as he waited for a reply. Nothing.

"I, um, saw what happened to your room. I mean - I woke up in my bed then immediately ran to yours and the door was locked so... I'm sorry," he shook his head and looked instead at the sweet flowers growing near by, their leaves soaking in the bright sunlight.

"I may have broken your door." He smiled, turning to Loki hoping to see a mirrored grin but he still hadn't moved an inch.

"What happened after I sat with you? I must have fallen asleep and I'm guessing you took me back to my room?" He remembered something then added, " I thought you were still weak from... it and..." 'How could you have carried me' he thought? He knew people could be unusually strong when they wanted to be, driven by adrenaline but that was only in moments of panic. His room had been ruined; maybe Loki hadn't been the one to destroy its usual tidiness.

He watched him breathing and slowly reached out a hand to his shoulder, wanting to comfort him anyway he could. Instead of leaning into Thor's grip, Loki turned away, but still sat on the bench. Thor quickly withdrew his hand and scooted further away along the bench, trying not to intimidate him any further. He waited and went back to fidgeting while staring at the flowers. He noted how they swayed more in the gentle wind as the sun began to dull behind some clouds. He supposed his anger and frustration was getting the better of him. He closed his eyes in concentration but felt nothing change for the better as he heard the distant sound of thunder. He also heard something closer. Loki appeared to be mumbling, crying maybe?

"Brother?" He didn't reach out this time, just waited for a reply, a whimper, anything. "It's alright, Loki. You're safe, you're with me. You're fine." He watched as Loki slowly turned back to face him, his head however still bowed. The sound changed. Loki lowered his hands and the sickening sound of laughter filled the space between them. Thor's heart sank and his hopeful smile disappeared.

"If you are here, then your _brother_ isn't fine. He is very _not_ fine. And neither are you, Asgardian."

Thor was speechless as Loki raised his head. No. Not Loki, not inside. There were subtle differences such as deeper set black eyes against dead pale skin and a smirk so vile it caused Thor to back away. He wasn't Loki but Thor didn't want to hurt him. Though he clearly wasn't his brother, he would never attack him. To see himself injure even a false vision of him made his stomach turn. This Loki was so mesmerisingly horrible that Thor failed to see the once beautiful flowers wilt and die around them. The skies overhead darkened and thunder and lightning lit up the garden, the sun long gone, the previously blue sky replaced by dark grey clouds.

His laughter grew strong, now unmistakably wicked. He edged his way towards Thor who didn't move as Loki placed a vice like grip on his arms, leaned close, looked deep into his blue eyes and screamed, "I- am _not_ your brother!" He brought one hand up to his face and twisted it to the side and whispered in his ear, "and neither is he!"

Thor pushed Loki away; he didn't put up a struggle and kept smiling as he flicked his eyes in the direction of the balcony behind Thor. He narrowed his eyes before turning and looking along his line of sight. On top of the balcony wall was Loki, or another false image conjured only to confuse him. Still he watched, locked eyes with him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. Even from that distance he could see the difference between him and the cackling maniac behind him. This one looked genuine, so it was no surprise to himself that it felt like his heart had been crushed when he saw him fall. Not jump, just let himself lean forwards and fall.

Thor woke up screaming before he hit the ground.

* * *

I cannot apologise enough! I am so terribly sorry this took me about a month a half to get round to. I had several very good reasons of course. I had a bad case of writers block. I knew the ending but I just couldn't think of how to fill in the gaps. My laptop decided to freak out and only just started working again. All my notes are on here so I didn't want to miss anything out (I'm getting another laptop tomorrow which will stand as a backup incase this decides to go up in flames.) And I've had alot of college work. But now that it's easter, I should be able to get another chapter out before I get too bogged down again. Again so very terribly sorry for the delay. It's been so long since I've written anything so please give me your opinion on how my writing has fared. The reviews help immensely. :)


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